Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I Am Thinking

Do not despair my bleating sheep (especially you Tennessee Jed). I have questions to answer, and I would like to ruminate upon these particular queries. I know you don't have all the time in the world, but I do (a little Supreme Being humor... laugh already!). I will be with you soon.

While you wait, read up on the sculptor, Auguste Rodin.

You may be tested later.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

GOD says, "Eff a bunch of Ann Coulter" and encourages folks to think about bunnies and global warming

newscoma writes...
Dear God,
Is the Powerball really out of the question?
Also, can I be liberal and Christian, or is that out of the question just like those woman Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter always say.
I hope you get over being angry. That sort of wigs me out because you are like, sorta in charge of weather and disasters.
Tell Jesus Hi.

Dear Newscoma,
  1. I try to stay away from things like the lottery. Gets folks pissed off at me. But you go ahead and have your fun. Just remember, winning isn't everything.
  2. Yes, you can be both. What the hell does Ann Coulter know? I don't see her beating a path to the nunnery or leading anything resembling a "Christian lifestyle." (More on Christian Lifestyles at a later date... I'm about to get really worked up here... shaking it off... thinking about bunnies... ahh bunnies... bunnies are good... have you folks ever checked out Cute Overload? Lots of bunnies there... but I digress...)
  3. I'm God Almighty! I get to be angry just like everybody else. Think about when Gods like Zeus or Odin got angry (shout out to Zeus and Odin). All sorts of crap went on when they had people in their camp. Sheesh! I mean, at least they had other Gods helping them out. Something to be said for delegating responsibilities. I've tended to be a bit of a micromanager. These days I'm trying to think outside of the box. A little God 2.0 if you will. So yeah, I have some anger issues, but I'm working on it. Thanks for the concern, but there's no need to worry. As far as the weather goes, I'd be far more concerned about the effects of global warming than anything I'm apt to come up with.
  4. Jesus says, "Hey back atcha!"

Friday, February 17, 2006

I Answer

Tennessee Jed said...
God, this is Jed here, asking for a little more love and the rest will be ok. I know, I know I am always asking for shit, but I deserve it as much as Dick Cheney and he gets some nice breaks in this life. I don't care if I have to have a gay daughter to get some cool stuff. I mean we would have more in common since we both would like women and stuff. I don't mind gay folks at all as long as they are not always talking about the subject and trying to convert me. While I am at it I don't mind followers of any religion as long as they don't do the same afore mentioned conversation domination. Just send more love soon please.
Amen

Jed: God here. I know it's been a while since I really checked in. Not to say I haven't been around... because I've been around. And not to say that I haven't been checking in... because I have been checking in. You just don't always seem to notice. There was a time when you or anybody else not noticing would have sent me off the deep end, but these days it just seems selfish to throw temper tantrums at the drop of a hat.

Love, eh? Is love really lacking in your daily diet? I thought I'd made sure to surround you with lots of it (maybe I need to check your file). Of course, I have taken the liberty of tossing a lot of shit at your proverbial fan as well. There's a sort of Zen to this tactic: show the boy what love isn't, and he'll be a lot more able to recognize and appreciate what love is. It's funny though: I toss a truck load of coal on you and add a pint of diamonds, and all you worry and fret over is the coal dust dirtying your hands. You've got a pint of diamonds son!

Do you really think old Dick is getting all the love? (I'll have more on that in a later answer, but it's worth asking at this particular moment.) You aren't equating love with wealth are you? I hope not. Although, I guess I went and did it when I spoke of coal and diamonds--but it's such a good analogy. OK. Let's change the analogy then.

Alan Watts, in one of his trippy dippy books on Eastern philosophy and Zen, talked about the necessity of the negative space using stars in the night sky as an example. All those pretty stars are up in the sky, day and night, but you can't see them in the day time. It takes the murky blackness of a night sky to set off the twinkle and shine of the big dipper. The point is, you wouldn't really see the worth of love, the necessity of love, if you just had a big blue sky full of stars you couldn't see for all the sunshine. The Buddha learned this all on his own in a manner, growing up sheltered and all. Learned that getting right down there in all the dust and dirt was the surest way to finally come across some sort of true enlightenment, some sort of true and crazy diamond.

Jed, today, I want you to take a good, hard look at that coal pile and look for the diamonds. Look up at the sky tonight and appreciate the stars shining down on you. Take a look at your life and find all the precious instances of love shining out from all the dark spaces. Then get back to me. I'll be around. Oh, and by the way--gay folk aren't trying to convert you, Jed, not any more than you've tried to "convert" some pretty woman to follow you home a time or two or three in your life. It's a guy thing, Jed. I hard wired you all that way. Deal with it. If some man still finds you pretty enough to poke, take it as a compliment, smile, and move on.

By the way. Thanks for the plug.

Next up: I answer the question, "can I be liberal and Christian?"

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

I AM